you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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