I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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