She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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