Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
