we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
