You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
