My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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