4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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