Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
