I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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