Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
