If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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