Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have fence marks all over my body
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
