His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
