i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
