Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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