Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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