Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
