Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize