I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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