Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
3 2 1 whiskey
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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