we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
