could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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