They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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