I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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