He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
