Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
