You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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