trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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