I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
