I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
