First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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