Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it was like eating out sand paper
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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