We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
