Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
