The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
