Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
