i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I AM VODKA MAN
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
