I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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