Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
