Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
