You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
