we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
