this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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