I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
