Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
