$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
