Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
