it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
