ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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