I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
