I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
