Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
