All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
