so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
