Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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