i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
