I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
operation have a gay friend backfired
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
