I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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