The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
