The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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