today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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