Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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