Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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