batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
